Rain Song
September 25, 2011
I ran. My dark purple evening gown trailed in the mud. I ran
from the stiffness of plastic people who’d crowded me.
I could not breathe back there.
The cool rain pelted down, drenched my hair, my clothes…cleansed my body
from the stiffness of the plastic people who’d crowded me.
They’d invited me to sing. Yet, something snapped as I stood before them.
The cool rain pelted down, drenched my hair, my clothes…cleansed my body.
There was nothing I could do. Suddenly, I was suffocating….
They’d invited me to sing. Yet, something snapped as I stood before them.
Their pompous, purposeless faces, their droning idle chatter…Suddenly, there was no air.
There was nothing I could do. Suddenly, I was suffocating….
Frantic eye lunged through the triple bay windows out into the dark wetness.
Their pompous, purposeless faces, their droning idle chatter…Suddenly, there was no air.
Rain tapping on glass drowns all sounds except its own.
Frantic, I lunged through the triple bay windows out into the dark wetness.
The rain caressed, embraced me. I shivered. Giddy. Spirit instantly freed.
I ran. My dark purple evening gown trailed in the mud. I ran
from the stiffness of plastic people who’d crowded me.
I could not breathe back there.
The cool rain pelting down, drenches my hair, my clothes…cleanses my mind
from the stiffness of plastic people who’d crowded me.
I ran till I could run no farther.
The cool rain pelting down, drenches my hair, my clothes…cleanses my mind,
as I upon a stone, and not quite alone, offer my songs to Thee.
Inspired by Mag 84
And then I came across this:
Fodder4Writing 
I like the repetition and the growing tension in this piece.
Hi, jabblog uk. Thanks for your visit and your kind comments!
i would run as well…i cannot stand plastic people….great use of pacing as well to accentuate that running….
Hey, Brian, glad to hear I’m not the only one fleeing such company…LOL! Thanks for what you said about the use of pace. A secret though: My muse gets all the credit here…:I had a hard time keeping up with HER 🙂
Plastic people…oh, I know so many…
Hi, tess kincaid. Er, we now have an expert to join the club…LOL!
And so, what kind of running shoes would you be recommending? 🙂
Plastic people crowd me too. I tend to walk/run in the opposite direction.
Hi, Helen. Welcome! We’re REALLY going to have to create an anti-plastic people club soon…LOL!
I enjoyed looking for the pattern in the repeated lines, as well as the Ps of plastic people, pompousness, and purple gown — just the right amount of them. Even her gown being purple put a nice spin on the image.
Hi, Kathy. Glad you enjoyed this poem and it’s patterns (two more P’s for ya 🙂 ).
Yeah, about the dress…funny, how my muse saw it as being deep purple versus black. Thanks for picking up on this. My muse is VERY happy right about now 😉
I love this. She has a better audience in the end. You wrote this so skillfully. I wanted to clap at the end!
Wow, Fireblossom, such enthusiasm! Your words are an honor to receive. Thanks for dropping in!
What a cool video, too!
Yeah, I too REALLY like this video. The rain, the music…
YES!
Wow! This was fantastic, Emanita!! I loved the play on words with the line that starts “Frantic” – the repetition was very skillfully managed. I know there is a name for this kind of poem, the form, where you repeat lines in different orders in different stanzas, but for the life of me, I don’t remember what it’s called. You probably know, though. Anyway, this was REALLY well done! I had to read it twice. Love it! 🙂
Gosh, Dragonkatet , you’ve got me blushing with gratitude. Oh, and this poem’s basically a Pantoum, so you are very right about the line repetition.
However, I took a few poetic liberties with the last two stanzas….
Pirate, what else? LOL.
Thanks for dropping by 😀
Wow Em – this is great. you really built tension with the repition, and i felt like i was gaining speed as the poem progressed. 🙂
Thanks, Jo;
Such comments comin’ from one of me favorite poets warms me right nicely, they do 😀
Thanks for the google an image tips. What do you think of the video I found?
The video is amazing – what a clever girl you are !!!
Time you popped over here and considered joining in the fun…
Part 6 is being written by Balladeer – which we will put up – then the baton will be passed to someone else for part 7, and on and on it goes…
You can even make up your own fairy name here:
http://www.emmadavies.net/fairy/?firstname=joanne&lastname=bryant&sex=0#a
So – you in or what ??????
Clever, but with your helping hand my friend. 😉
And, now if you’ll excuse, I’ll mosey on along to see what the excitement’s all about over at your blog…LOL
you are quite a story teller.
powerful writing.
Hello, welcome and thank you Morning. Glad you stopped in 😀
I loved how unlike other poems the repetition added to the feeling of tension and need to get way… strikingly enjoyable.
Hi Rekha! Glad the repetition worked for you. One of my muses REALLY seems to prefer this structure and there’s naught for me to do but to follow…LOL…she CAN be a bit, no, rather demanding at times ;-).
Thanks for dropping in!
beautifully constructed piece – and I applaud your singer’s courage. I have often felt like running out into the rain from stiff plastic people!
Hi there, Isabel Doyle. Thanks for dropping in and taking time to comment on this post.
Seems like the “plastic people” aspect speaks LOUDLY to folks…LOL.
My singer appreciates your kind applause ;-D
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